{"id":22081,"date":"2020-02-11T10:00:31","date_gmt":"2020-02-11T10:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/?p=22081"},"modified":"2020-02-11T10:00:31","modified_gmt":"2020-02-11T10:00:31","slug":"12-things-clients-say-that-only-creatives-will-get-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/12-things-clients-say-that-only-creatives-will-get-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"12 things clients say that only creatives will get – part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

The life of the creative isn\u2019t easy.<\/p>\n

Clients make insane demands every day. Some of them don\u2019t realise it\u2019s insane, but some of them do, and they ask anyway.<\/p>\n

We shared some of the outrageous things clients have said<\/a> before, and shared even more hilarious stories here<\/a>, then we invited you to share some of your own experiences. You didn\u2019t disappoint!<\/p>\n

So, here are a few of those stories of life on the creative coalface, based – as they say in the movies – on real events!<\/p>\n

#1 Round and round<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Derek has found himself trapped in that spiral where the client doesn\u2019t know what they want, only what they don\u2019t want. And that keeps changing.<\/p>\n

Difficult Client: <\/strong>“I want this!\u201d<\/p>\n

(After receiving exactly what he asked for)<\/em><\/p>\n

Difficult client: <\/strong>\u201cNo, I want that!\u201d<\/p>\n

(After receiving the amendments)<\/em><\/p>\n

Difficult client:<\/strong> \u201cNo, not that\u2026 That!”<\/p>\n

(He\u2019s pointing at the first piece again, This could go on for a while.) <\/em><\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> “I’m just going to get some materials. I may be gone some time.”<\/p>\n

#2 The gestation period<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Stuart has had to patiently explain why some things just take time.<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cCan you do it by tomorrow? It\u2019s really urgent because we\u2019ve nearly run out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cCan\u2019t do it, sorry. Why didn\u2019t you ask me last week?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cI was too busy. But why does it take so long?\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>\u201dWell, it takes nine months to grow a baby. Less than that, and there\u2019s a strong possibility that it\u2019ll come out wrong. Just saying.\u201d<\/p>\n

#3 When \u2018we\u2019 means \u2018you\u2019<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Richie has encountered the classic client who turns up late, but expects you to be early.<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cSorry I\u2019m over two weeks late supplying the required text and images, but I\u2019m sure with some sharp graphics we<\/em> will meet the print deadline!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>\u201cYou\u2019ll get it by nine.\u201d (Aside to myself) <\/em>\u201cI\u2019m just not saying which nine!\u201d<\/p>\n

#4 The but of the joke<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cThat job we discussed six weeks ago, but I didn\u2019t confirm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (Already suspicious) <\/em>\u201cYeees?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cI can now confirm it.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Wait for the \u201cbut\u201d. Apparently there isn\u2019t one.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>\u201cOkay, good, I\u2019ll -\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cBut I need it by six tonight!\u201d<\/p>\n

#5 Managing mischief<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Laura knows that sometimes creatives are asked to do magic.<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cWe want to print an A4 poster.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cNo problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cWith a button that clicks through to the website.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>\u201cAh, another job for the Harry Potter paper.\u201d<\/p>\n

#6 Those three magic words<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Chas is familiar with the all-too-common assumption that making things look easy means they really are easy.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> There is a bizarre belief among clients and colleagues that starting a request with the words \u201ccan you just\u201d makes whatever follows the easiest thing in the world.<\/p>\n

Of course, if it was that<\/em> easy, they\u2019d do it themselves.<\/p>\n

#7 The cheque-ered flag<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Stuart is in the driving seat, when it comes to over-taking tight-fisted clients.<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>Worth noting: The winning driver in a motor race completes the course faster than anyone else, but doesn\u2019t get paid less than the other drivers because he\u2019s put in fewer hours. He gets paid more.<\/p>\n

Think about that next time your client wants a job doing quickly and<\/em> cheaply.<\/p>\n

#8 Size matters
\n\"\"<\/h2>\n

Gordon knows that what clients call \u2018big\u2019 is rarely what designers call \u2018big\u2019!<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cCould you send me an EPS or a high res version of your logo, please?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client emails through a scanned letterhead)<\/em><\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cUmm I can’t really use this. Can your communications department maybe send me something?\u201d<\/p>\n

(They email through a 4kb jpg.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>\u201cWe\u2019re on the right track. Do you have a high res version of that, please?\u201d<\/p>\n

(They email through a 22kb jpg.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>(Face planted on my keyboard) <\/em>\u201cI\u2019ll just press the \u2018embiggen\u2019 button, shall I?\u201d<\/p>\n

Also for your consideration:<\/p>\n

And now a few stories by long-suffering Creatives who wanted to remain anonymous.<\/p>\n

#9 Aroogah\u2026 aroogah\u2026 clich\u00e9 alert<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cI really want it to be engaging.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cOf course, what would you like it to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cSomething dynamic.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: \u201c<\/strong>Okay. But what, exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cSomething that pops!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cYeees?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cSomething that knocks their socks off.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cSomething with the wow factor?\u201d
\nClient: \u201c<\/strong>That\u2019s it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (sigh)<\/em><\/p>\n

#10 You can\u2019t please all of the people.<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cCan you make it really modern and contemporary, with a retro edge?\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>\u201cNot really. Who\u2019s your target market?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cEveryone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (sigh)<\/em><\/p>\n

#11 After the boat has sailed<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Client:<\/strong> \u201cHas it been printed already.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cIt has. 5,000 copies right here, all boxed up and ready to go.<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cOh. Cos I need a slight change to the text.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cFair enough, I\u2019ll get my Sharpie. Might take a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

#12 Predicting the future<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cIt\u2019ll be a five minute job, mate.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong>\u201cReally? How do you know?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: <\/strong>\u201cSorry?\u201d<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> \u201cCould you do this in five minutes? No. that\u2019s what you need me for. So, I\u2019ll decide how long it takes, okay!?\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what you think\u2026 What you actually say is:<\/em>
\nMe:<\/strong> \u201cFine, leave it with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Over to you:<\/h3>\n

If you\u2019d like to share some of your own hard-won wisdom, or some horror stories that wake you up at night – you\u2019ll find a sympathetic audience here at Heart Internet.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019d like us to share your story in our next \u2018Things clients say\u2019 blog, we\u2019d love to oblige – and we\u2019ll keep it anonymous if you\u2019d prefer! Just say the word.<\/p>\n

Just join us on our Facebook page<\/a> and share your pain.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The crazy things clients want creatives to do. From changing the laws of physics to turning back time, they want it all and they want it yesterday. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":20309,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-your-business"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22081","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22081"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22081\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/20309"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22081"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22081"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heartinternet.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22081"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}