It’s a trap! Well…it’s not, but if you have no idea what Zombie Mansion is about, you should probably check out Zombie Mansion: Part 1 and Zombie Mansion: Part 2 before reading this post. No one likes spoilers….plus you can win a fantastic Nexus 7, Zombie Blitz experience day and domain name!

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The groaning and shuffling is getting louder, and it’s not the Fifty Shades of Grey Matter variety either…

**You encountered Frankenzombie!**

You arm yourself with your trusty umbrella and prepare to do battle as Frankenzombie staggers towards you. Just as you’re about to hit him, he extends his hand politely and gives you a friendly nod.

You’re taken aback, not least because his hand is about the size of your head. You shake it gingerly, confused by your own crippling politeness and wondering if this would make the British People Problems Facebook page.

‘Why aren’t you eating me?’ you ask curiously, but before Frank can answer you’re both startled by a loud crashing noise. Noel, Jayne and Jeeves come stumbling down the stairs as fast as their zombie limbs allow, and point in a surprisingly animated way in the direction of the large entrance hall. It sounds like someone’s trying to break in. A lot of someones.

Looking out of the window, you see a lot of angry people carrying flaming torches and pitchforks. “Why do they even own pitchforks in this day and age?” you wonder as a man walks past carrying an oil drum. “Do we really need so many clichés all at once?”

The zombies are looking panicked and shuffling around confusedly. You realise you have to take charge of the situation and immediately gather the party together, issuing instructions and arming them with anything vaguely resembling a weapon. You realise that the textbook weapons of choice aren’t a skull, a brain in a jar, and a book on dedicated servers (even though it’s an admittedly hefty tome), but you’ve not got much time. Your party part rushes part staggers its way to the entrance hall, where Fido is yapping in a typical small dog kind of way (presumably it sounds a lot more aggressive in his own head).

The villagers are close to bursting open the large front door, and you look around anxiously. Noel and Jayne are clutching each other in fear, whilst Frankenzombie looks on sadly. Is that a tear you can see rolling down his face..?

Fido is the only one ready for action, and he’s just three apples high. You feel completely overwhelmed. Killing slow-moving, semi-senseless zombies is one thing, but a horde of angry active villagers is another altogether. But they’re bursting through the door now and there’s nothing else you can do except steel yourself and prepare to fight.

The villagers flood into the entrance hall, but those aren’t battle cries you can hear. In fact, they sound more like cries of fear. Huh?!

You duck past them and look out of the window. Is that a…giant zombie platypus stomping towards you?! The villagers seem terrified and are rushing into the mansion to hide from it. At this point you have no idea who’s a friend and who’s a foe – everything seems to have been turned upside down. You decide the best plan of action is to escape the mansion altogether and gesture to Frankenzombie, who punches through the nearest window Hulk-style so you can all escape.

You get away safely!

As you all walk down the hill together, you turn to look back at the mansion. The sun’s rising and everything’s lit with a beautiful rosy hue (#F2B6B6). Noel and Jayne are clasping hands and grinning at each other. “Get a room,” you think fondly, turning back to Frankenzombie. He’s looking over at the pair in a depressed kind of way, and you instinctively reach over and awkwardly take hold of his hand. In return you get a beaming smile, and Fido jumps up at you both happily. Suddenly it all makes sense. These particular zombies still have the basic human need to be loved and accepted above all else. They just want understanding, companionship, and hugs. You’re not sure why, but you’ve got such a close bond now after your escapade that you’re definitely going to start following them all on Twitter.

You’re a sucker for a happy ending, and contentedly walk off into the sunrise with your new friends to start your next adventure.