Zombie Mansion: Part 1 - Heart Internet Blog - Focusing on all aspects of the web

Win a brand new Google Nexus 7 tablet, a fantastic Zombie Blitz experience for two provided by Wish.co.uk and a two year domain name (.com or .co.uk) with our Zombie Mansion contest! Check out yesterday’s teaser post, and read the story over the next three days to unlock an exclusive discount code and enter our competition.

On with the story…

Since you won the Zombie Hunter of the Year award, your Klout score’s shot through the roof and you’ve left your websites in the capable hands of your favourite minion whilst you pursue zombies (and fame) full time.

So far, it’s going pretty well. The fan mail is manageable, your search rankings are better than ever, and you’re even getting +1s on Google+. Best of all, you get to sit around a lot and bask in the glory of a job well done since zombies are very thin on the ground at the moment.

Or so it seems.

As you’re sitting in your office drinking coffee, musing the meaning of Google+, and browsing XKCD, you see an urgent email pop up with the subject line, ‘The Walking Dead’.

‘Great,’ you think, ‘Hope it doesn’t contain spoilers.’


To: yolo@zombiehosting.co.uk

From: ???

Subject: The Walking Dead

There have been strange noises reported over at the Frankenstein place. You need to check it out urgently, before it’s too late. Kthxbye.


‘That’s weird’, you think. ‘Who would send an SOS by email? Have they never heard of Facebook?’ Shrugging, you decide to investigate anyway. You pick up your Zombie Kitten GPS tracking device and your umbrella, and head out of the door.

The journey is uneventful and thanks to your trusty Kitten GPS, it’s not long before you can see the gates of the old mansion.

As you approach, you hear the sound of high pitched yapping. At first you wonder if your mother in law has followed you, but you quickly realise it’s coming from somewhere near your ankles.

**You encountered a pack of baby wolves**

There’s something odd about them though; they seem to have abnormally sharp teeth and strange red stains on their fur…

You have second thoughts about entering the grounds, but a flash of lightning followed by a huge clap of thunder changes your mind. It’s going to start pouring with rain any second now and it’s far too windy to risk breaking your trusty umbrella. What are a few puppies, anyway?

You push the gate, and it slowly opens with a clichéd, completely over-exaggerated creak. ‘Funny,’ you think. ‘I always thought they added those sounds in post-production’. Immediately, the baby wolves come bounding up and beg for food. They quickly give up when they see there’s nothing on offer…all except one. He seems a lot more affectionate than the others, and keeps by your side as you walk up the long winding path to the huge front door.

**You gained a baby zombie werewolf companion**

Reaching the huge door, you knock loudly and step back to wait for a response. It instantly begins to open, and in the murky gloom you can just make out the sound of something that sounds suspiciously like GTA 5. Before you have time to think about what this might mean, a rather distinguished looking butler comes into view.

**You encountered Zombie Ask Jeeves**

You’re slightly taken aback. It’s been a long time since you last saw Jeeves, and he doesn’t appear to have aged well. Also, he has one hand that’s a lot smaller than the other and a rather creepily eager expression. Before you can recall what this reminds you of, he speaks. Or rather, mumbles.

‘What’s a group of ravens called?’

This wasn’t what you were expecting. Frowning, you pull out your phone, look guiltily at the Google search bar for a second, then quickly go to Ask.com. What IS a group of ravens called?

You answer hesitantly, but Jeeves nods approvingly and moves back to allow you to enter. You wonder whether you should take him down, but he seems so harmless. In fact, all your encounters so far have been weirdly…peaceful.

You step into the hall. Now that you’re actually inside the mansion, it’s suddenly gone eerily quiet. Fido has caught the scent of something though, and you follow his eager padding across the hall and down a narrow corridor. He rushes into the large, dimly lit kitchen ahead of you to get the attention of a shadowy figure.

You approach cautiously, your senses alert. But the only thing in action is your sense of smell – could that be…sausages? Whatever it is smells delicious, and you can’t resist getting closer. You see Fido hovering up something on the floor. As you get nearer, you realise that it’s not a sausage at all. Weirdly enough, it looks like a purple tentacle.

Entering the room, you see a zombie in checked trousers and a chef’s hat. For some reason you’re oddly attracted to him, but you’re not sure why.

**You encountered Zombie Noel**

He’s wielding a rather large frying pan in one hand and a nearly empty bottle of wine in the other, and your instinct is to fight him off with the closest weapon to hand. But a broad smile appears on his face and he motions to the stack of plates next to him. You’re debating whether the potential consequences of eating the food are more dangerous than potentially facing Noel’s wrath when you hear shuffling behind you and turn to face a female zombie standing in the doorway.

**You encountered Zombie Jane**

Noel’s smile grows broader and he shuffles over to greet her. You hear him grunt something about brownies and Jane follows him over to the cooker. From the way they’re looking at each other, you feel a bit like a third wheel and decide to continue investigating the rest of the mansion whilst the going’s good. Noel and Jane don’t even notice as you leave the kitchen with Fido at your heels.

Suddenly you hear a crashing sound coming from the room across the hall. In the gloom you can just about make out rows of mysterious looking books.

Continue the story for your chance to enter our contest to win the latest Nexus 7, a Zombie Blitz day and a 2 year domain name, plus unlock an exclusive discount code!

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