Yesterday you decided to call your old friends to help you navigate the caves in order to learn more about the mysterious note you found. Jane and Noel agree to meet you outside the entrance.

(Wondering what on earth this is all about? Find out more about Zombie Purge and start your adventure from the beginning).

After tapping your foot for all of ten seconds, you impatiently decide to head down a tunnel. If it’s an emergency and zombies need to be killed, you should probably get started as soon as possible, right? Logically, if you always pick the right-hand tunnel, you shouldn’t get lost.

Two or three turns later, the light of your Bendy Phone highlights something metallic-looking. It’s mostly obscured by a rock, and so you lean forwards to get a better look.

You acquired A Not Particularly Great Sword!

Clue’s in the name, folks.

 

Not being one to turn down free stuff, you shrug and decide you may as well take it with you. At the very least you should be able to sell it to one of those strange shopkeepers at some point.

You’re holding the sword up to examine it more closely when you notice something strange on the wall. It appears to be small drops of blood, and the directional splatter suggests that you should take a left fork now. Feeling convinced that the hours you spent watching all fourteen seasons of the original CSI were well worth it, you head left.

As you make your way down the dark tunnel, you hear a strange humming. It sounds like a strangely familiar tune from your childhood, but with better bass.

You encountered Stereotypical Friendly Ghost!

He’s a little sassier than your average friendly ghost, but you like that.

 

You’re always a little wary of overly friendly supernatural beings, but you’re grateful for the company and introduce yourself. Two minutes and fifty eight seconds of backstory later, and you’re feeling optimistic. How can you go wrong when you have a pleasant built-in tour guide? Despite your positivity, there’s a tiny doubt in the back of your mind. There’s no getting away from the fact that Stereotypical Friendly Ghost is, obviously, a ghost, so things clearly didn’t work out too well for him at some point despite his positive attitude. It seems a bit soon to ask personal questions though, and you have got zombies to track down, so you shrug to yourself and focus on the task at hand.

It’s not long before you reach what appears to be a dead end. “Hey! Listen!” the ghost says unnecessarily, and points at a small metal pane set into the nearby wall.

You recognise it as a numeric security lock and frown, considering. You have no idea what the three digit code might be, and there are no obvious context-sensitive clues to help you out. Suddenly Stereotypical Friendly Ghost pipes up, “Try 777.”

“That’s not very secure,” you mutter. “If you’re going to go down that route, at the very least you’d expect 666. It IS Halloween, after all.”

Even Stereotypically Friendly Ghost can’t stop himself rolling his eyes at that.

Grinning smugly to yourself, you enter the code. It’s accepted first time and there’s a positive beep and then a crunch as the wall of rock in front of you moves steadily to one side, revealing an even darker tunnel. The Grumpy Cat GPS tracker has been quiet up until now, but suddenly starts to beep loudly. Pulling the notifications pane up, you frown. “That’s strange. She’s definitely picking up a zombie signal, but there’s nothing around here.”

Suddenly there’s a loud, angry metallic clang behind you.

You encountered Zombie miner!

A miner minor zombie? And what kind of minor? It’s hard to tell. Either way, it’s puntastic.

 

He seems pretty insignificant…until you realise just how unprepared you are for a battle in the dark. Stereotypically Friendly Ghost immediately springs to action, punching the Zombie miner for all he’s worth.

Despite SFG’s enthusiasm and his (admittedly very good) right hook, it has absolutely no effect on the zombie because the punches just go straight through him. SFG isn’t fazed by this however, and continues his Scrappy Doo impression. You immediately wade in with the Not Particularly Great Sword to attack the zombie. Unfortunately, the Not Particularly Great Sword has been particularly well-named, and it seems to be having very little effect on the now extremely enraged miner.

In the distance, you hear a sudden noise. More zombies must be approaching, and you haven’t yet figured out this one’s weak spot. What now?!

You feel Grumpy Cat’s hackles rise and she starts hissing and spitting. You point Bendy Phone’s light ahead, and see a four-legged creature running towards you.

You encountered Relentlessly Optimistic Doge!

much optimism. very smile. wow.

 

“So that’s where you got to!” Stereotypically Friendly Ghost says happily. Relentlessly Optimistic Doge wags his tail in greeting and then proceeds to make short work of the zombie miner. “Turns out he IS pretty minor when you have the right tools!” beams SFG. “Now, let me introduce you two. This is Relentlessly Optimistic Doge, or ‘Rod’ for short.”

You’re very grateful that Rod appeared just in time to save the day, but all this endless positivity is starting to turn your stomach. Thankfully Grumpy Cat GPS provides all the balance you need. She leaps at Rod and they immediately turn into a half-spitting, half-smiley ball of simultaneously playful yet violent fluff. There’s no way you’re even going to attempt to try and break that up, so you let them get on with it and start walking ahead.

Fifteen minutes later, Rod runs off ahead and you hear excited barking. It’s muffled, but it sounds like you can hear him saying “such daylight”. Catching up, you enter a wooden mine shaft and realise you’ve found a way out into the real world. Finally!

Frowning, you suddenly realise you haven’t heard from Jane or Noel. Surely they should be here by now? Maybe you should try calling them again now you have better signal…

 

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